He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
