but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
