The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize