I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
