Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
