Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
