never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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