So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
my poor anus
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
