I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
