I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
