Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize