Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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