My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
