Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
