Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
