before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
