After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
