had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
