so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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