don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
