If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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