I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
