My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
