You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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