mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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