You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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