just tell him i said nine months
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
