Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
