bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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