Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
