I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
