you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
