K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
dude. I can hear the air.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
