i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
