lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
