Slut skills are useful in every country.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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