I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
