Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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