Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
