are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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