ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize