wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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