I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
