fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
