Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
