I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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