Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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