First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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