I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
