can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
