Christians are straight up FREAKS
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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