if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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