All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
