Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
