What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
