What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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