eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so let's talk penis.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
