1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
