so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
