how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
