Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
