Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
