I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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