two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize